If It’s Not Forever it’s Not LoveDurjoy Datta & Nikita Singh
It has really started with the photo and a quote of Leo Tolstoy, which I saw the other day on social media, that made me think about the subject of love. It drew my attention, it was reminding me that when we love someone, we love them as they are, and not as we want them to be. Do we even have a choice?
Love has nothing to do with the five senses and the six directions: its goal is only to experience the attraction exerted by the Beloved.Rumi
I am on vacation in the next ten days. It’s partial stay-cation, as I am planning a travel to Vancouver Island next week. But at the moment I feel this total bliss. It’s so nice, not having to be anywhere and not having to respond to anyone’s frustrations, or listen to convoluted life story. People’s lives are intricate with so many twists and turns, and I find myself tripping in the dark corridors of people’s mind when I attempt to solve humanity’s problems. I know I can’t solve anyone’s life, I can only put a bandaid on a person’s wound, a temporarily fix, but the rest is not up to me. We are the authors of our lives. Life is a book. Make it great. Let this be the greatest love story.
It’s absolutely bliss this morning, to have this luxury of putting my mind and my soul into doing something I love. And to me, it’s a simple act of writing this blog on the first Saturday morning in October. I realized this long time ago, writing feels very natural to me, it’s like breathing. It’s not something I think about that I have to be in special mood to do it. It’s just natural rhythm of life, but it’s not always easy.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breath is freedom. Taking in what I need, and discarding all that does not serve me. It’s a bit like purging something. Writing is a kind of catharsis, how I process my inner dialogue. When I put something in writing I can examine my thoughts, that may lead to new discovery I didn’t know about.
Just typing this paragraph about breath, reminded me of the track “Breathe” by Zabo. You can listen in the link below, if you enjoy electronic music. The sound track reminds me of the drilling sound into some heavy, dense object. This piece is meditative and captivating at the same time. The drilling makes me think of deep penetration through heavy resistance, just to get to the bottom of things, deeper understanding, discovering what’s underneath the surface. There is labour involved, an effort, a search for depth. At least this is my interpretation of the music.
When I saw the image posted on social media about Leo Tolstoy’s quote today, there were 1.2K comments, and people were pouring their hearts out. Some agreed and some disagreed, one revelation took one to the next. It’s fascinating to read people’s comments. No one is wrong, everyone is right, but this collective search helped me to frame my own position about Leo Tolstoy’s famous phrase.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read Russian writer’s phrase , is that the real love is unconditional. It turned my mind to the mother’s love, she feels for her offspring. No matter what you do or say, she will always love you. But can this kind of love exist between two adults, man and woman or homosexual couple? Or can people still love each other when the other truly does not love us back, and making a doormat out of oneself is really not healthy or satisfying.
In my opinion, this kind of love is a karmic kind of connection, that teaches us to let go of what no longer serves us, that we are loving for wrong reasons, and usually teaches us that the reason we are stuck in those unloving relationships, it is because we don’t truly love ourselves. This is the primarily reason of the karmic relationships. We enter them in order to learn more about ourselves, what we are willing to put up with, until it hurts so much, that we are forced to look at our lessons and remember what love is and what it is not.
I have not mastered love but I am fairly certain that staying in a relationship out of fear of being alone is simply perpetrating abuse, especially if you are not in love with the person you are with. Sometimes we are staying in the abusive relationships because we are simply stuck. Imagine, a woman with young children, whose abuser is the main financial provider. I don’t judge this woman’s choice of remaining in the marriage. It takes lots of courage and moral support to stand up for yourself, as it can be exhausting.
But I am pretty certain, that if the other does not love us back, there is this realization and something just clicks in my mind, but really I can feel this on my heart space, then the heart communicates to my brain and then, there is this recognition, a new awareness. This awarenesses sets me free. I can actually fell out of love, as soon as I recognize the other person does not feel the same way about me. It does take practice, to keep telling your brain that there is no love here. I can move on pretty peacefully from that moment forward and heal.
Every drop of blood I spill informs the earth, I merge with my Beloved when I participate in love.
Someone responded to the quote, by writing that Tolstoy’s quote references the kind of love God has for his creation. The statement was flooded by the avalanche of responses. “What God are you referring to? Is it Christian God? There are something like 10K types of gods out there, and I bet many Indigenous Peoples would strongly disagree with you”, someone responded.
Interesting reply from one user, who questioned the room for growth, stating some people are just comfortable in being in the dark and not seeing the light. So you can’t love someone and look at them being comfortable in not wanting to grow. And of course, this backfired all kinds of answers. The interesting response got my attention from someone writing that there always should be a room for growth, and the best way is when you are nurtured with love.
This Love is beyond the study of theology, that old trickery and hypocrisy. If you want to improve your mind that way. Sleep on.Rumi
So, I will try to concise my response to Mr. Tolstoy’s musing here: When I truly love someone, I love them because I feel helpless at loving them, even though I may not like everything about the person, or may not agree with everything they think or say. But this does not matter, as I still continue having this strong bond with the person. I feel helpless and vulnerable. I can’t just turn the switch on or off. The only reason I will maintain this kind of connection is when I feel the energy being reciprocated on certain level. I don’t believe that love is simple and all our egos will dissolve in the name of love, we are complex creatures.
Love needs to be in that influx, in order for me to maintain it. What I am referring here to, is the type of connection, in which I know there is a mystery bond between us, something that is beyond our own comprehension. Our spirit knows the truth but our egos will fight the connection, because it demands deep intimacy, uncovering the wounds, exposing childhood traumas. All this is required in order to heal, so true love can enter. I find this process very painful, but I would go on my knees in the presence of true love, and look for ways to heal my divided self. It will require a lot of patience and a lot trust and believing. If you want to experience true love, but you don’t believe in it, it will never happen to you.
I am uncertain about expecting nurturance from the other person when we go through opening the wounds. I know it would be just so nice, to have this kind of support from the person we love, but they often are the people that actually trigger us so that we get re-wounded, and when we feel that pain again, we often blame our person for causing us pain. In reality, they are simply bringing to the surface whatever needs to get healed. Lot’s of our childhood wounds are buried in our subconscious mind, we are not even aware of them, until we enter the relationship and the garbage shows up.
I wrote this, because I feel people think of love as this nice, fuzzy feeling we have all day long, but the real love will push us outside of our comfort zones. It’s going to be very uncomfortable. It’s not a bad thing though, it’s very empowering, true love will push us to become the best version of ourselves.
Between lover and Beloved, there is no veil. Hafiz, you yourself are the veil. Get out of the way.Hafiz (Hafez)
Finally, I do believe it will eventually get easier, because we are destined to unite with our Creator, and we can feel this closeness to Him/Her in the 3D world, even though we are operating in the duality, but by aligning ourselves with the truth, we can experience bliss-love-peace with our Beloved.
My type of God is the one I encountered in Rumi’s poems. Not a Father figure, but the lover type, you are seeking to merge with your creator and melt in eternal bliss.
The intellectual is always showing off, the lover is always getting lost. The intellectual runs away. Afraid of drowning; the whole business of love is to drown in the sea. Intellectuals plan their repose; lovers are ashamed to rest. The lover is always alone. Even surrounded by people.Rumi
When I think about God, my Creator as my Beloved, I am not referring to abstract concept. I am thinking of a real person, in this lifetime, a person with own personality, the body. But what I am in love with is the divine essence, body is only the image, the symbol in the world. I am in love with the invisible, the energy that draws me.
It still remains the mystery to me, how some people affect me more than others and push me to open myself to more love. It’s not something that I have control of, it’s the presence of something larger that I see in the other and I am drawn like a moth to light.